Share the Caring

Statistically, most of us at some point in our lives will find ourselves depending on someone else to help us with our health care. And most of us, at some point in our lives, will find ourselves helping to care for someone else’s health. Children, of course, depend on their parents for all their medical attention. But as we age, parents often rely on their grown children to help with their own care.

But throughout our lives, we and those around us can also face a challenging assortment of health conditions. People with physical limitations might need assistance with basic daily tasks like dressing, bathing, or moving around safely.

Some, like Alzheimer’s or dementia patients, may need round-the-clock supervision to prevent wandering or to make sure that they’re eating properly.

Patients with serious or terminal illnesses, such as lupus or cancer, may need help with transportation to medical appointments, medication management, or even just companionship during long treatments.

Medications can sometimes have severe side effects, like nausea and diarrhea, extreme fatigue, or depression that can make even the simplest tasks seem out of reach.

Helping someone with their health care is a normal, human act of compassion and love.

When we face these challenges, we naturally turn to those closest to us for help, and when called on, we generally respond. Caregiving, after all, is a normal, human act of compassion and love.

Family members are often the first to step in. Spouses help spouses. Parents help their children and children help their parents. We help our brothers and sisters, our friends and neighbors, and members of our church. Sometimes we look for help from professionals.

But caregiving can also be stressful. Caregivers may need to juggle their responsibilities to their families or their work. We may feel we don’t have the appropriate skills, or the time to help adequately. It can be emotionally exhausting, and sometimes it can be a financial strain, especially if one person shoulders most of the responsibility for caregiving.

Don’t Be Afraid To Ask

When we need help, asking for it can be a step outside our comfort zone. We want to feel self-sufficient, and we don’t want to be dependent on others. We might be embarrassed to let others see us when we’re vulnerable. But if we ask people, we generally find that people care about us more than we expect. Not only are they willing to help, but many would actually appreciate the trust you give to them.

If we ask, we generally find that people care about us more than we expect.

If you need help, it’s easier to start by asking for something specific. Ask someone if they would stop to pick up a prescription, or give you a ride to an appointment. Try to break down what you need into manageable tasks that can be clearly explained and easily accomplished.

Focus on the task. If you need help getting to a doctor’s appointment, don’t see that as a weakness being exposed, but instead see that as a problem to be solved, and focus on achieving your goal. Allow others to help you.

Remind yourself that nobody expects you to have everything figured out. Be honestly grateful when someone does help you. Thank them explicitly, and make sure they know how what they’ve done has genuinely helped you. Remind yourself how fortunate you are to have someone who cares about you.

Don’t Be Afraid To Offer

Offering help can be as difficult as asking for help. We don’t know whether our offer will be welcome or will be seen as intrusive.

If you’re not sure where to start, then begin with little gestures. Call once in a while and ask how they’re doing. Offer something specific, like mowing the lawn or dropping off a ready-made dinner. You can make the offer easier to accept by saying something like As long as I’m … then I can …, or I’m not busy this weekend, so if you want …, or When I … would you like me to …?

Be empathetic. Listen to what they say and anticapate what they might need. Imagine what help you would need and want if you were in their position. Think of the help as a team effort, you and them taking care of things together. Don’t push, but be respectful. It’s their life, not yours. Let them know you’re available, but accept “no” as an answer.

Remember also that sometimes the best help is just good company and a sympathetic ear, someone who will just listen.

Build a Support Team

Sometimes caregiving can be a lot for one caregiver to manage. The time and money spent — not to mention the emotional cost and stress — can be significant. But caregiving can be a shared responsibility. Multiple caregivers can each contribute their own talents and time, lessening the burden for any one person. When the demands are too much for a single person, build a support team.

Whether you’re a caregiver, or a care recipient, think about tools that you can use to organize your support team.

Your support team can include family, friends, and neighbors, but you can also look for help from churches or religious groups. There are many organizations and local non-profits that caregivers and care recipients can go to for additional support.

Think about tools that you can use to organize your support team. There are apps to share information, schedule and assign tasks, track appointments, hold group meetings, and keep everyone up to date.

Remember that the team exists as much to support each other as to support the one receiving the care. By opening up and accepting assistance as a caregeiver, you create a stronger foundation for the care you’re able to give. Embracing help doesn’t make you less capable; it allows you to recharge, feel supported, and continue giving your best.

And if you know someone who’s caring for their loved one, you can contribute your help too. Even small acts of support mean a lot. Offering to lend a hand doesn’t just mean helping with the practical load; you show them that they’re not alone in their efforts. Your offer might be the relief or encouragement they need to keep going. Even if you’re unsure of what to do, simply letting them know you’re there to help makes a huge difference.

Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Offering help is an act of compassion and love.

Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Offering help is an act of compassion and love. Nobody should have to face their trials alone, and helping others is a gift many people are honored to give. Whether you’re giving or receiving help, caregiving doesn’t have to be a solo effort. Together, you’re building a circle of strength, compassion, and shared care.